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03 October 2005

“Under some kind of Law”

12:27:59 :: [psychology, personal] :: 238 words

A friend (you know who you are) recently commented that it seemed like I were “[acting as if] under some kind of law.” I was then, a couple of days ago, talking with my mother on the phone about how the stress of this semester was killing me in a way to which I have been wholly unaccustomed. It was then that I really made the connection about the kind of law I’ve been subjecting myself to. Observe:

I have to prove myself worthy, don’t you see? I have to prove myself to you [my parents] because I’m neither an accountant nor a financial advisor nor any other kind of conventionally-minded job-holder. I have to prove to every woman I’m not a typical, [jerk-like] man. I have to prove to my professors that I’m not just another student unworth their while. I have to prove myself to the United States because I’m from South Carolina, butt of all jokes, armpit of the south! I have to prove myself [at this point I was laughing] to the WORLD!—because I’m from the arrogant cush-nation of America! How will I ever be good enough!

There it is. At least, there’s part of it. I share it with you, my readers, because I wonder if anyone else—especially you involved in academia—have experienced any similar bondage. Now that I see the chains, I can pray for their release!

6 Responses to ““Under some kind of Law””

  1.  Michael Says:

    And by the way, I haven’t forgotten to email you back!

  2.  Denise Says:

    The chains are everywhere - academia, new job, parenting - (the list never ends), but they enslave our minds, hearts, and souls because the one person we are always trying to prove ourselves worthy to is OURSELF! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am truly my own worst critic. I accomplish in one area, while simultaneously berating myself for dropping the ball in another. Self-acceptance will release the chains, but how does one achieve that?

  3.  Michael Says:

    Ah, a fellow late-bird (as opposed to early bird?).

    Self-acceptance comes through having a Christlike view of oneself. Self-acceptance, then, means realizing that you can never be good enough in the ways that matter, but that’s still absolutely OK because of the work of Christ on the cross.

    Knowing and doing are two different things, however. I “Know” the above, but until I act on it in faith, by moving on with my life and thereby dropping the chains behind me, I won’t experience that freedom.

  4.  Denise Says:

    My schedule rotates around the clock so much these days that I’m not really sure what kind of bird I am anymore. Don’t you ever sleep?

    Christ’s love and forgiveness is awesome, but the need to be more Christ-like is an area where my (fairly consistent) failure still creates self-deprecation. I still struggle with the acceptance part, I guess.

  5.  Thom Says:

    One has to be sure that one’s acceptance is placed in the right place (to borrow a page from Augustine.) If one is attempting to accept oneself, then expect disillusionment. If one accepts oneself in Christ, however, then there is hope and, not personal acceptance, but an acceptance of God’s judgment to accept.

  6.  Michael Says:

    Extremely well-put. Thank you for this reminder, Thom.

Leave a Reply

“Under some kind of Law”

12:27:59 :: [psychology, personal] :: 238 words

A friend (you know who you are) recently commented that it seemed like I were “[acting as if] under some kind of law.” I was then, a couple of days ago, talking with my mother on the phone about how the stress of this semester was killing me in a way to which I have been wholly unaccustomed. It was then that I really made the connection about the kind of law I’ve been subjecting myself to. Observe:

I have to prove myself worthy, don’t you see? I have to prove myself to you [my parents] because I’m neither an accountant nor a financial advisor nor any other kind of conventionally-minded job-holder. I have to prove to every woman I’m not a typical, [jerk-like] man. I have to prove to my professors that I’m not just another student unworth their while. I have to prove myself to the United States because I’m from South Carolina, butt of all jokes, armpit of the south! I have to prove myself [at this point I was laughing] to the WORLD!—because I’m from the arrogant cush-nation of America! How will I ever be good enough!

There it is. At least, there’s part of it. I share it with you, my readers, because I wonder if anyone else—especially you involved in academia—have experienced any similar bondage. Now that I see the chains, I can pray for their release!

6 Responses to ““Under some kind of Law””

  1.  Michael Says:

    And by the way, I haven’t forgotten to email you back!

  2.  Denise Says:

    The chains are everywhere - academia, new job, parenting - (the list never ends), but they enslave our minds, hearts, and souls because the one person we are always trying to prove ourselves worthy to is OURSELF! I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am truly my own worst critic. I accomplish in one area, while simultaneously berating myself for dropping the ball in another. Self-acceptance will release the chains, but how does one achieve that?

  3.  Michael Says:

    Ah, a fellow late-bird (as opposed to early bird?).

    Self-acceptance comes through having a Christlike view of oneself. Self-acceptance, then, means realizing that you can never be good enough in the ways that matter, but that’s still absolutely OK because of the work of Christ on the cross.

    Knowing and doing are two different things, however. I “Know” the above, but until I act on it in faith, by moving on with my life and thereby dropping the chains behind me, I won’t experience that freedom.

  4.  Denise Says:

    My schedule rotates around the clock so much these days that I’m not really sure what kind of bird I am anymore. Don’t you ever sleep?

    Christ’s love and forgiveness is awesome, but the need to be more Christ-like is an area where my (fairly consistent) failure still creates self-deprecation. I still struggle with the acceptance part, I guess.

  5.  Thom Says:

    One has to be sure that one’s acceptance is placed in the right place (to borrow a page from Augustine.) If one is attempting to accept oneself, then expect disillusionment. If one accepts oneself in Christ, however, then there is hope and, not personal acceptance, but an acceptance of God’s judgment to accept.

  6.  Michael Says:

    Extremely well-put. Thank you for this reminder, Thom.

Leave a Reply


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