[1] http://thinkblog.org/index.php/2005/05/20/i_don_t_love_you_anymore

As [2] promised, here are some more thoughts on what that .50 caliber phrase means, where it comes from psychologically, and what impact it can have.

First, the Evanescence song that made me think about it, “Everybody’s Fool”* from their 6x platinum album Fallen:

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don’t you see me?
You know you’ve got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you’re pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can’t find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don’t love you anymore

It Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be
You’re not real and you can’t save me
Somehow now you’re everybody’s fool

Let’s set aside for a minute the chillingly sirenic voice of lead singer Amy Lee and focus on what she’s saying. The song is about a lover who put up a front, apparently, but who was a lying snake of a man in private, and who apparently cheated on her. (For simplicity’s sake I will refer to “her” as though Ms. Lee was singing singularly and autobiographically; I don’t know if that’s the case.)

The point of the song, if I hear it correctly, is to say that the love she and this guy shared is null and void, because the foundation for her was built on false knowledge about him.

So then, if it was false knowledge, then it was false love, or at least love misplaced. I ask you again, is this an acceptable use of the phrase? Is this merely an over-the-top emotional expression of such severity that it comes out as something she didn’t mean, or could not mean?

I have loved someone before and discovered that there was more (or less) than met the eye. The girl that said this to me believed me to be a liar and a fake, as well, I believe (I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt). I was going through a very rough time, and ended up handling the breakup very poorly. Was it warranted? Even if it was true, was it a good thing to say? I wonder.

I do wonder if it’s possible for it to be true; I took it at face value when she said it, and it nearly destroyed me. I thought that if she had ever loved me surely she must still, since you cannot stem the flow of love immediately like turning off a spigot even with rage. But something about that doesn’t add up. I think the compulsion to utter this phrase comes from deep pain that is grounded in perceived betrayal. Logically, if you see that someone has completely changed, or that they are not as you thought them to be, then your love was placed on a phantom; therefore, to say to the person as he or she now presents themselves that “I don’t love you anymore” is to say, “I don’t love the true you, who you are at your core, regardless of having loved an image you successfully projected for X amount of time.”

Anyway, I’m curious about your thoughts. Does this indeed stem from betrayal, or can it come from other sources? Can anyone really mean this completely, having once loved? (My suspicion is no.) Let me know what you think.

[3] http://thinkblog.org/index.php/2005/05/20/i_don_t_love_you_anymore

As [4] promised, here are some more thoughts on what that .50 caliber phrase means, where it comes from psychologically, and what impact it can have.

First, the Evanescence song that made me think about it, “Everybody’s Fool”* from their 6x platinum album Fallen:

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don’t you see me?
You know you’ve got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you’re pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can’t find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don’t love you anymore

It Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be
You’re not real and you can’t save me
Somehow now you’re everybody’s fool

Let’s set aside for a minute the chillingly sirenic voice of lead singer Amy Lee and focus on what she’s saying. The song is about a lover who put up a front, apparently, but who was a lying snake of a man in private, and who apparently cheated on her. (For simplicity’s sake I will refer to “her” as though Ms. Lee was singing singularly and autobiographically; I don’t know if that’s the case.)

The point of the song, if I hear it correctly, is to say that the love she and this guy shared is null and void, because the foundation for her was built on false knowledge about him.

So then, if it was false knowledge, then it was false love, or at least love misplaced. I ask you again, is this an acceptable use of the phrase? Is this merely an over-the-top emotional expression of such severity that it comes out as something she didn’t mean, or could not mean?

I have loved someone before and discovered that there was more (or less) than met the eye. The girl that said this to me believed me to be a liar and a fake, as well, I believe (I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt). I was going through a very rough time, and ended up handling the breakup very poorly. Was it warranted? Even if it was true, was it a good thing to say? I wonder.

I do wonder if it’s possible for it to be true; I took it at face value when she said it, and it nearly destroyed me. I thought that if she had ever loved me surely she must still, since you cannot stem the flow of love immediately like turning off a spigot even with rage. But something about that doesn’t add up. I think the compulsion to utter this phrase comes from deep pain that is grounded in perceived betrayal. Logically, if you see that someone has completely changed, or that they are not as you thought them to be, then your love was placed on a phantom; therefore, to say to the person as he or she now presents themselves that “I don’t love you anymore” is to say, “I don’t love the true you, who you are at your core, regardless of having loved an image you successfully projected for X amount of time.”

Anyway, I’m curious about your thoughts. Does this indeed stem from betrayal, or can it come from other sources? Can anyone really mean this completely, having once loved? (My suspicion is no.) Let me know what you think.